If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
