New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
