All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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