Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
