you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize