Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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