just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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