I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the liver wants what the liver wants
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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