I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
