I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
