i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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