i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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