he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
