dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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