Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
