Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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