And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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