John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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