Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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