i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
