I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
