I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
