bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
