The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
