dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
