Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
