I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
