he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize