He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
