i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
