I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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