Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I will die if light touches me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize