you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
