Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
