we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
