So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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