singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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