there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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