If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize