Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
