love makes seman taste better
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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