that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
