I got chris browned last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
