I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
