hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
