I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
