Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
