you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's the barista slut.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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