I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The air taste purple.
Randomize
