I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
