Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
