Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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