Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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