The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
