I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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