you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
