bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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