Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
