when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize