Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
