I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize