We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The air was thick with penises
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
