I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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