ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
