If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
