I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
