so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize