Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
