Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
