he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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