he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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