he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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