I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have aggressive nipples.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
