i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
