im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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