Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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