singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
