hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
