listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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