I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
