and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
