ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize