Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
