Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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