I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if only i could text you this smell
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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