Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
