you didnt know i had herpes?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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