just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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