A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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