I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
