Say something about gay babies.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize