Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
