i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
