I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize