I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
