We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
