I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
