i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
