I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
