I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize