Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
