She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
