I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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