Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
