Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize