he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
