I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
